Sleep Training Captain's Log: Chapter Two

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While the morning nap was a success, with only a minor stirring 38 minutes after Zuul went down (then fast asleep again for a whole hour), the afternoon nap attempt was a complete failure.

She didn't seem tired at 2, our regular p.m. nap time, so I nursed her at 2:30 p.m. and put Zuul in her crib, awake, at 2:45 p.m..  For a second, I thought I may have won, as she rolled over, but stayed laying down as I walked out the bedroom.  But, about 5 minutes later, the tears started.  So, after 3 minutes of crying, I went in, stayed two minutes and left.  There was no consoling her in those two minutes.

The tears continued off and on, but, after 5 minutes straight of bawling, I went in.  It stank as soon as I opened the door. 

I couldn't remember what the book said about diaper changes, but I couldn't imagine a full and stinky one could be very comfortable, so I changed her.  When I put her down again, she broke my heart into a million pieces.  She curled into a foetal position, her face and cry clearly had "Why are you doing this?  I don't understand." all over it. 

Fuck you, Ferber.  Fuck you.  What you ask is too much for a mother to bear.  It is completely unnatural to ask us to leave our babies in that state.  However, I did it.  I left her, confused and broken, at risk she'll hate me forever, growing up to become a shattered and insecure shell of a human being.

It's clear by now that she's onto me.  The crying continued, stubbornly, for 10 minutes, but there was fatigue in her cries.  I tiptoed quietly to her room, creeped open the door, and, sure enough, she was lying down, eyes closed, transitioning from crying to sobbing.  I don't say a peep, move a muscle, even breath.  She's going to fall asleep!

And that's when the dog decided to slam open the door, shoving me in the process and plop down into her bed.  The gig is up.  The noise made Zuul open her eyes, the sobs turned back into red faced howls and she pulled herself up to standing.

I picked her up and snuggled with her in the glider.  Mother consoling child and vice versa.

Onwards to a miserable evening and the true night time test at 8.