REALITY: My workouts consist of walking the dog, pushing a stroller and lots of reps of lifting a 14+ pound weight that is my daughter. I'm sure my cardio will increase once she's crawling and walking. I'm counting on that.
I was going to cook fresh, wholesome, organic food from scratch.
REALITY: Well, I have frozen fish & chips in the oven right now. Last night, frozen meat pies, the night before, Subway. Lather, rinse, repeat. Our pizza delivery guy's name is Assim.
I was going to dedicate one day a week to dress sexy for Subversive Dad.
REALITY: I hope he finds yoga pants, spit up stained nursing tops and hairy legs sexy, because that's as good as it's going to get for a while.
I was going to volunteer for various community services while wearing Zuul.
REALITY: Apparently, pouring hot soup while baby wearing is pretty dangerous and frowned upon heavily. And it's really hard to mentor youth when you can't hear each other speak over screaming infant. Not like I can say anything deep and inspirational with three hours sleep anyway, so it's just as well.
I was going to pad the income by starting a pet sitting business.
REALITY: It's scary enough to walk my own dog when I have the baby, as she has moments of losing her fucking mind with excitement if she spots a friend. As for my cat, she's completely given up on me for pretty much anything and is now 100% daddy's cat. Taking care of other peoples pets is no longer feasible.
With the extra income I would have made pet sitting, I was going to redecorate my home repurposing and upcycling second hand furniture.
REALITY: I'm lucky if Zuul lets me do a load of laundry most days. Redecorating? FFFFUUUUU NATE BURKUS!!!
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